[

mood

|

sad

]

*an actual the bea poem of guilt and depression

merely

i stood nearby while they taunted you
they made fun of you
and they made you cry

i stood nearby when you caved in
when you broke yourself
when you wished to die

i watched nearby as you cut yourself
like you never cared
if you were losing blood

i watched nearby when you felt lost
when you screamed and cursed
under the rain and mud

as i stand nearby and see you,
knowing i should reach out;
or at least i should try.

but instead, i just hid myself
i just watched you lose,
and i merely stood nearby.

finally it's come to an end
all your pain is gone
with all your anger and hate.

because now you rest forever
since i merely watched
and i came around too late.

--the bea

[	mood	|	i'm fine	]
[	music	|	Hindsight - Death Cab For Cutie	]

I'm so excited to go to Vegas! So excited that I even called for a shopping spree just to have a whole new wardrobe as I enjoy the City of Lights! If I was in the Philippines, I'd be burying myself in my books in the hopes of acing the trimestral exams. I'll be under endless sufferring. I don't exactly thank God that I'm not there in the mercy of my professors and my knowledge. God knows I'd pay him anything just to be back there enduring the endless pain of studying and pressure. I miss sitting in the halls waiting for something to happen. My hands sweating and my mind droning on the numbers I bet I got wrong and the answers I should have written. I wish I was in the heat of the moment. I wish I still wasted my ink on useless reviewers that would be disposed of as soon as the tests were over. I wish I was back there, probably in my second year of high school, eating lunch and stealing time to review my notes, just like I should be doing right this moment. I'm not being sarcastic. When you're a million miles from home and the life you've always known, you tend to lose the sarcasm and the strength to jest about the past. I just miss it. I miss my life so much that I'd be willing to return my cashmere sling sweater to the shop if it means that I could come home for the holidays. And returning a perfectly beautiful cashmere means endless guilt and sufferring. (that cashmere keeps a smile on my face.) But that guilt and suffering would be long gone as long as I'm in the presence of those whom I love the most. Moments are priceless.

[

mood

|

mellow

]

OH yeah
BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY GABBERS!

ANDDEE or DDEEYAH

[	mood	|	bitchy	]
[	music	|	American Idiot	]

anyhow...yeah...i could use the computer now but i had to use my mom's account bcoz she blocked mine....i couldn't even go to other websites because she totally blocked it! ewww! why do parents have to find true happiness in their children's pure misery? this is total torture i tell you! it's like setting a bird free in a cage...ironic isn't it? aaargh! i mean, isn't that unfair or something? you know what? they should really build up law on teenagers...we should have our rights against freedom abuse! our parents are totally violating it! i know i may sound crazy, but i just feel that it is soooo totally unfair. anywy...latest updates on my life are: 1) I'm spending Christmas in Las Vegas. Isn't that just splendid? Spending the holiday cheers in the city of lights, gambling, and prostitution?
2) I'm already allowed to use the pc.
3) I'm still not happy.
i really swear, someday, i'm gonna set up a constitution that provides teenagers their own set of rights and privilegas...we are so under! anyhoo...there's nothing i could do about that now...good luck to every teen and misfit alike that are yet to suffer injustice from their parents or guardian. Vivo los jovenes!

Quote of the Day: "Dreams are the touchstones of our character."
BBEEaahh

[	mood	|	stupid guys suck!	]
[	music	|	Over and Over - Nelly feat. Tim McGraw	]

guess what? i'm sooo grounded? i dunno why, and for all i care! anyway, i shouldn't really be using the computer but i really have to put something on this blog. hehe...andrea's updating it all by herself...i feel that i have to contribute a little teeny bit more...anyway...it's a good thing we have a blog so we can express ourselves in just the right way...did you know that your blog could be published as a book? if it's actually interesting enough! hehe...but i don't really have the dream of having our blog published...it's really private and it depends on how much they're gonna pay us for publishing it! joke! anddee, i took the quiz and look what i got down there, ok? i always thought you'd be a clown or something like that, you're really funny kasi! anyway, did you know that there's this guy who is soooo demanding? he wants me to be perfect every single time i talk to him! gago talaga! he wants me to smile for him, etc. well, i'm not his servant and if i want to be really rude to him, i will be! he definitely has NO right to dictate me on what to do, how to act, or even what to say! i have my own freedom of speech! and i would definitely use it against all guys who try to dictate their gf's or their non-gf's on what they're supposed to do! shame on you men...women need RESPECT too. (the poor guy i was talking about is definitely not my bf, but i'm still mad at him for trying to tell me what to do) FEMINISTAS RULE!

[

mood

|

accomplished

]

I hate this day..We had our alay gawa(alay gawa in the morning- We (with gabbers) swept the driveway and the gym,
alay gawa recess time- in the library AGAIN
and alaygawa dismissal time we (with toners) cleaned the 2nd yr classrooms except my OWN classroom coz there was a math remedial class
i wasnt able to eat recess and lunch PROPERLY haha
it's ok at least i didnt spend money i was able to save money
and it's for alay gawa..and then I wasnt in a really GOOD mood today..at least the day's over..

ANDDEE

[

mood

|

okay

]

~"anddee"~

[

mood

|

chipper

]

so anyway...i had a pretty freakish thanksgiving...i mean, instead of the traditional turkey thing and feast or celebration, my freakish "family" had pizza and popcorn...what could beat that?!? i mean, okay...we could be weird, but we're just so not into that holiday. it's not really about food. it's about celebrating and giving thanks, right? okay, i know, what i just wrote was kinda mushy...but who could blame me? i have a wonderful holiday spirt baby! lol... but seriously...give thanks peepz! and share the spirit of the season...peace!